9月16日(禮拜二): 23:14pm
一方面期待趕快看到寶寶，一方面只能咬齒忍耐度過每一天的害喜狀況。這幾天噁心又更厲害，吃就想抓兔。可是也不能完全不吃，因為需要營養，肚子也會餓，所以只好忍著每一刻....
I am very excited to meet our baby, my tummy alien as I call him/her. At the same time, I also have to bear each moment of nausea due to my morning sickness... The past few days were the worst. Soon after my every small meal, I feel like giving it back to nature. But, I still have to eat. I need the nutients for our baby and myself. I have hunger, too. So, I just have to bear this uncomfortable sensation that comes at any moment....
我多期待這個禮拜... 第一，我們禮拜四終於可以第一次"看到"我們的寶寶。第二，根據很多有經驗的人的說法，我的害喜狀況因該從這週開始會越來越好。我開始夢想以前參加過的聖誕節大餐，晚上邊看電視邊跟姊姊兩個人偷偷吃的蘋果派跟冰淇淋，週末的外餐.... 啊~，只想就讓我在夢中遊啊.....。(是的，這是在美國跟加拿大時做的爸爸所謂的"慢性自殺行為".....) 尤其是這幾個月，我幾乎沒吃什麼，甚至於對食物，或是"吃"這個行為有點恐懼.... 吃飯前感恩禱告，我都快哭出來了....。但，現實是很殘酷的。我不但沒好，變得更糟糕。最近真的看到食物，或是自己須要吃的時候，我就會怕。我會怕吃了，會不會又噁心，會不會又不舒服，會不會..... 每天只要想到這個，我就悶悶的....。
I was so looking forward to this week so badly. First of all, we finally get to see our baby in a black-and-white image this Thursday, and second of all, my morning sickness is supposed to improve starting from this week according to my experienced mom friends. I started to dream about the gorgeous gormet Christmas dinner that I had before, the night snack of hot apple pie a la mode with melting maple peacan ice cream on its top, and the weekend eating out dinners.... Alas, I feel like I'm walking in my delicious dream already.....! (Yes, my dad always says that these behavior of ours is something that he calls "the chronic suicide".....) I could barely eat anything for the past few months, in fact I even developed some "phobia" towards foods and "eating"..... Praying before each meal almost made me burst into tears.... But, the reality is cruel. Not only that my condition has not improved at all, it got worse! I am so scared of food. When I have to eat, the mere thinking of it scares me. I'm scared because I feel that I will get sick again after eating. I'm scared because I feel that I will get comfortable again after eating.... Every time when I think about this, I'm so lost what to do...
今天勉強幫老公煮了炒飯，烤了冷凍食品 (這種東西，我以前在超市連看都不會看得東西)，泡了一碗味噌湯....。他叫我不用煮，可是我覺得至少我因該幫他準備晚餐。陪老公做在餐桌，可是我只能看著他吃。看他好像很好吃的樣子，一口接一口把飯運到口裡，我真的多希望我可以陪他一起吃這頓晚餐。看著看著，眼睛熱起來，趕快忍著。我真的忘了"東西好吃"是怎麼一件美好的事了。我記不起來上次真正享受飲食是什麼時候了。也不知那種感覺了。好痛苦。
Tonight, I forced myself cooked an easy dinner for my dear husband. He told me not to, but I just felt that I just had to. I made him fried rice, baked him some ready-to-eat frozen foods (which I've never even looked at in the supermarket frozen food section before my pregnancy....) and made an instant vegetable miso soup for him. I sat at the table with him while he enjoyed his dinner. But, I only could watch him eating, and not enjoying the dinner with him. He carried the foods into his mouth one bite after another. How much I wish that I could enjoy the dinner with him.... Just watching him enjoying the dinner alone made my eyes teary. But, I tried not to cry, so I looked away. I forgot how it feel like to "eat something yummy." I forgot how wonderful that feeling was.... I cannot remember when the last time was that I really enjoyed eating. I was in total agony....
老公知道我心情沉悶，說吃完了他要陪我坐在沙發休息。我們就在沙發休息，看電視。其實荷蘭電視也沒什麼好看得....。看著看著，肚子又噁心起來。我說: "我最近真的對食物有恐懼感.....。" 老公看著我，握著我的手，他說: "我真的不知道怎麼樣幫你好....。" 他很想幫，可是又幫不了。我也知道。我回他說: "我也不知怎麼幫自己好。這樣，hormone上上下下的，我也不能控制它.....。" 老實說，我有點氣。不是對他，而是對自己。為什麼我不能堅強一點? 為什麼我不能快樂一點? 為什麼我不能享受吃? 為什麼我被自己的hormone影響到這樣??? 好多為什麼，可是沒有任何一個答案。就算有答案又怎麼樣呢? 狀況還是一樣，不是嗎? 我還是會噁心，我還是會心情被影響，不是嗎? 他看著我憂憂的眼神，安慰我說: "寶貝，好可憐喔....。 我們馬上可以了，馬上可以了。好不好?" 我說: "我真的很希望趕快渡過這十個月，把她生出來....。" 然後，老公就會對著肚子說: "你看，你媽媽，為了懷你，養你，生你，這麼辛苦，你生出來後，要乖乖的。聽到了沒?"
My husband knew that I wasn't in a good mood. He said that he would keep me company at the sofa after he has finished eating. So, we did. We went to the sofa, rested and watched some TV. But, there's nothing interesting on TV here in NL. (At least in my opinions...) As I was watching TV, my stomach again acted up, and I was nausic. I said in a week voice, "I really have fear towards foods recently...." My husband looked at me, grabbed my hand and said, "I really don't know how to help you..." I saw in his eyes that he really wanted to help me to get better, but he was totally lost what to do. I know he really wants to help. I replied him, "I don't know how to help myself, either.... My hormones just made me go through ups and downs. But, I cannot control my hormone levels..." To be honest, I was actually mad. Not at him, of course, at myself.... Why can't I be stronger? Why can't I be happier? Why can't I enjoy eating? Why do I have to be affected by my stupid hormones so badly??? So many whys, but no single answer to my whys. Even if I have answers to my whys, so what? The situation won't change anyway, will it? I still will feel nausic. I still will be affected emotionally. Won't I? My husband looked into my dull eyes that looked hopeless and darkened. He comforted me saying, "My poor baby... We will get better soon. We will get better soon. Ok?" I said, "You know how much I wish that we will be through these 10 months right away and just give a birth to our baby....?" Then, he glued his face to my tummy and said to our baby, "See this, baby? Your mommy is going through this tough time just to bear you, nourish you and give you birth. So, after you are born, you have to listen to her well. You heard me?"
休息一陣子，肚子餓起來了，可也不知要吃什麼。想一想，好像花生醬麵包跟Nectrine還不錯。老公幫我烤了一片花生醬吐司，切了一個Nectrine，把這兩個可口的食物很漂亮的擺在盤子上，端來給我吃。我一口一口的吃，嗯，可以吃，吃得下，我就把一片吐司跟一個Nectrine全吃完。可是，又來了。又噁心起來。真的也不知道怎麼辦好，也很痛苦，我說: "真的吃完，馬上就噁心.....。" 說著說著好傷心，忍不住的大粒眼淚一滴一滴不斷得流下來。老公握著我的手，繼續安慰我。看著他，感受到他的溫柔體貼的心，不知感動還是痛苦，眼淚不停的一直流。左手抓緊他的手，好溫暖好安心。看著他，我什麼話都說不出口，只有眼裡的眼淚越來越多。後來他什麼都沒說，陪我哭了一陣子。看了我哭完了，他去弄網路電視看看有沒有什麼好看的，在電視前面扭扭腰，搞笑要讓我開心。當每次我不舒服，心情不好的時候，他就會搞笑，做怪，甚至於有時還會跳跳舞，逗我笑。以前我不喜歡我不快樂的時候人家逗我笑。我寧願一個人生氣夠，也不要自己笑不出來的時候勉強笑。那種被逼著笑的感覺讓我有反感。可是跟他在一起之後，我越來越覺得他逗我笑的時候很可愛。不管好不好笑，他的表情跟他的心讓我覺得很溫馨很被疼愛。我珍惜他的努力。
After resting a while, I got hungry. I didn't know what to eat. After probing all the options, a slice of baked peanut butter bread and juicy nectrine did look appealing to me. So, I asked my husband to make it for me. He baked the bread with peanut butter, cut the nectrine beautifully and prepared a plate of these combination very nicely. In front of my eyes were a nice plate of smelling good baked peanut butter bread and slices of red and yellow nectrine. I had a bite. Hmmm. Nice. I had another bite. One bite after another, I finished the whole plate. But, here comes again my nausea. I really didn't know what to do. I was in suffering. I said, "Soon after eating..., I got sick again...." I was so hurt. Suddenly, large drops of tears marched out from my eyes like a troop.... My husband held my hand very tight and kept comforting me. Looking at him, I felt his sweetness and love for me. I felt so warm inside. I didn't know if it was because I was touched, or from suffering, my tears troop kept marching out. I grabbed his hand, held it so tight. I felt so warm and so secure. Looking at him, I lost all words, but the tears just wouldn't stop. He didn't say anything, either, just held my hand, sitting right in front of me, looking at me with profound sympathy and compassion. After I finished my "crying episode," he went to take care of our online TV program to see if anything interesting was on. In front of the TV, he swang his hips, trying to make me laugh. Every time when I'm not feeling well or feeling blue, he always does silly things or dances funny trying to make me laugh. I used not to like it when people try to make me laugh when I'm not feeling well. I'd rather being upset until I felt it was enough. I didn't like it to be forced to laugh when I didn't feel like to do so. But, after marrying him, more and more I like the way he tries to make me laugh. I think it's really cute that he does silly things to make me happy. It doesn't matter what he does is funny or not, but the way he does it and his loving heart just make me feel warm and so loved. I really appreciate his effort.
孕婦會擔心的事其中之一就是老公對孕婦的hormone所影響的情緒變化以及身體變化不了解。因此，有些人會怕老公會不會受不了這種變化而離去。因為男生本身感受不到這種變化。對他們而言，這是一件很不可思議的事。為什麼自己可愛的老婆突然間變的像精神病治療中心的逃患者呢? 為什麼他突然會哭? 為什麼她會說想吃豆花湯明明吃到荷蘭根本沒有豆花湯? 可是下一刻又不想吃了? 他們也很納悶。這到底怎麼了? 老婆瘋了嗎??? 是的。其實也可以說懷孕時，我們是活在一種"發瘋"狀態。因為很多懷孕時的hormone的關係，我們的身體，情緒，思考能力等等都會收影響。我學到什麼，我就會跟老公分享。免得他覺得我真的瘋了。可是他也很努力的了解我。自己偶爾也會上網路看看關於孕婦跟寶寶的文章。所以他給了我很多安全感。每次被他安慰後，都會有自信一起度過這一段時光。我覺得，我雖然害喜狀況很痛苦 (有人因該比我還痛苦....)，我是很幸福的。寶寶，你要知道媽媽懷你的時候，如果沒有爸爸這樣鼓勵媽媽，媽媽根本渡不過這一關呢。所以你要好好感謝爸爸喔。知道嗎?
One of the things that many pregnant women worry about is that their husbands may not understand the magic that their hormonal shifts do to them. Therefore, many pregnant women actually fear that their husband may leave them while they are pregnant due to lacking such understandings. Men don't experience such "changes" themselves. So, for them, this is a very unbelievable thing. Why all of a sudden their lovely wives become like psychos? Why all of a sudden, out of blue, they cry like babies? Why out of no where she wants to eat sweet tofu soup (Taiwanese dessert) knowing that he can get it nowhere here in NL? (Yes, it's me...) And, why right next moment, she doesn't want it anymore? They are confused. What happened to their lovely wives? Did they get insane overnight??? Yes. In a sense, we went mad. I really think this is a kind of madness. Due to the hormonal shifts during the pregnancy, our bodies, our emotions, our abilities to think, etc. all get affected... So, whenever I learn something about myself, I always share that with my husband to prevent him from thinking that I got insane. He also makes efforts to understand me. He get online to read articles about pregnancy and babies sometimes. He really gives me security. Every time after he comforts me, I become more confident that we can get through this together. So, although morning sickness is tough (and some people's condition is even tougher than mine...), I am still very happy and joyful that I have a husband like him. So, baby, you have to know that when you mommy was pregnant with you, if it weren't because of your dad's effort of making mommy happy, mommy wouldn't be able to get through these ten months. So, you have to thank you daddy for that. You heard me?
一方面期待趕快看到寶寶，一方面只能咬齒忍耐度過每一天的害喜狀況。這幾天噁心又更厲害，吃就想抓兔。可是也不能完全不吃，因為需要營養，肚子也會餓，所以只好忍著每一刻....
I am very excited to meet our baby, my tummy alien as I call him/her. At the same time, I also have to bear each moment of nausea due to my morning sickness... The past few days were the worst. Soon after my every small meal, I feel like giving it back to nature. But, I still have to eat. I need the nutients for our baby and myself. I have hunger, too. So, I just have to bear this uncomfortable sensation that comes at any moment....
我多期待這個禮拜... 第一，我們禮拜四終於可以第一次"看到"我們的寶寶。第二，根據很多有經驗的人的說法，我的害喜狀況因該從這週開始會越來越好。我開始夢想以前參加過的聖誕節大餐，晚上邊看電視邊跟姊姊兩個人偷偷吃的蘋果派跟冰淇淋，週末的外餐.... 啊~，只想就讓我在夢中遊啊.....。(是的，這是在美國跟加拿大時做的爸爸所謂的"慢性自殺行為".....) 尤其是這幾個月，我幾乎沒吃什麼，甚至於對食物，或是"吃"這個行為有點恐懼.... 吃飯前感恩禱告，我都快哭出來了....。但，現實是很殘酷的。我不但沒好，變得更糟糕。最近真的看到食物，或是自己須要吃的時候，我就會怕。我會怕吃了，會不會又噁心，會不會又不舒服，會不會..... 每天只要想到這個，我就悶悶的....。
I was so looking forward to this week so badly. First of all, we finally get to see our baby in a black-and-white image this Thursday, and second of all, my morning sickness is supposed to improve starting from this week according to my experienced mom friends. I started to dream about the gorgeous gormet Christmas dinner that I had before, the night snack of hot apple pie a la mode with melting maple peacan ice cream on its top, and the weekend eating out dinners.... Alas, I feel like I'm walking in my delicious dream already.....! (Yes, my dad always says that these behavior of ours is something that he calls "the chronic suicide".....) I could barely eat anything for the past few months, in fact I even developed some "phobia" towards foods and "eating"..... Praying before each meal almost made me burst into tears.... But, the reality is cruel. Not only that my condition has not improved at all, it got worse! I am so scared of food. When I have to eat, the mere thinking of it scares me. I'm scared because I feel that I will get sick again after eating. I'm scared because I feel that I will get comfortable again after eating.... Every time when I think about this, I'm so lost what to do...
今天勉強幫老公煮了炒飯，烤了冷凍食品 (這種東西，我以前在超市連看都不會看得東西)，泡了一碗味噌湯....。他叫我不用煮，可是我覺得至少我因該幫他準備晚餐。陪老公做在餐桌，可是我只能看著他吃。看他好像很好吃的樣子，一口接一口把飯運到口裡，我真的多希望我可以陪他一起吃這頓晚餐。看著看著，眼睛熱起來，趕快忍著。我真的忘了"東西好吃"是怎麼一件美好的事了。我記不起來上次真正享受飲食是什麼時候了。也不知那種感覺了。好痛苦。
Tonight, I forced myself cooked an easy dinner for my dear husband. He told me not to, but I just felt that I just had to. I made him fried rice, baked him some ready-to-eat frozen foods (which I've never even looked at in the supermarket frozen food section before my pregnancy....) and made an instant vegetable miso soup for him. I sat at the table with him while he enjoyed his dinner. But, I only could watch him eating, and not enjoying the dinner with him. He carried the foods into his mouth one bite after another. How much I wish that I could enjoy the dinner with him.... Just watching him enjoying the dinner alone made my eyes teary. But, I tried not to cry, so I looked away. I forgot how it feel like to "eat something yummy." I forgot how wonderful that feeling was.... I cannot remember when the last time was that I really enjoyed eating. I was in total agony....
老公知道我心情沉悶，說吃完了他要陪我坐在沙發休息。我們就在沙發休息，看電視。其實荷蘭電視也沒什麼好看得....。看著看著，肚子又噁心起來。我說: "我最近真的對食物有恐懼感.....。" 老公看著我，握著我的手，他說: "我真的不知道怎麼樣幫你好....。" 他很想幫，可是又幫不了。我也知道。我回他說: "我也不知怎麼幫自己好。這樣，hormone上上下下的，我也不能控制它.....。" 老實說，我有點氣。不是對他，而是對自己。為什麼我不能堅強一點? 為什麼我不能快樂一點? 為什麼我不能享受吃? 為什麼我被自己的hormone影響到這樣??? 好多為什麼，可是沒有任何一個答案。就算有答案又怎麼樣呢? 狀況還是一樣，不是嗎? 我還是會噁心，我還是會心情被影響，不是嗎? 他看著我憂憂的眼神，安慰我說: "寶貝，好可憐喔....。 我們馬上可以了，馬上可以了。好不好?" 我說: "我真的很希望趕快渡過這十個月，把她生出來....。" 然後，老公就會對著肚子說: "你看，你媽媽，為了懷你，養你，生你，這麼辛苦，你生出來後，要乖乖的。聽到了沒?"
My husband knew that I wasn't in a good mood. He said that he would keep me company at the sofa after he has finished eating. So, we did. We went to the sofa, rested and watched some TV. But, there's nothing interesting on TV here in NL. (At least in my opinions...) As I was watching TV, my stomach again acted up, and I was nausic. I said in a week voice, "I really have fear towards foods recently...." My husband looked at me, grabbed my hand and said, "I really don't know how to help you..." I saw in his eyes that he really wanted to help me to get better, but he was totally lost what to do. I know he really wants to help. I replied him, "I don't know how to help myself, either.... My hormones just made me go through ups and downs. But, I cannot control my hormone levels..." To be honest, I was actually mad. Not at him, of course, at myself.... Why can't I be stronger? Why can't I be happier? Why can't I enjoy eating? Why do I have to be affected by my stupid hormones so badly??? So many whys, but no single answer to my whys. Even if I have answers to my whys, so what? The situation won't change anyway, will it? I still will feel nausic. I still will be affected emotionally. Won't I? My husband looked into my dull eyes that looked hopeless and darkened. He comforted me saying, "My poor baby... We will get better soon. We will get better soon. Ok?" I said, "You know how much I wish that we will be through these 10 months right away and just give a birth to our baby....?" Then, he glued his face to my tummy and said to our baby, "See this, baby? Your mommy is going through this tough time just to bear you, nourish you and give you birth. So, after you are born, you have to listen to her well. You heard me?"
休息一陣子，肚子餓起來了，可也不知要吃什麼。想一想，好像花生醬麵包跟Nectrine還不錯。老公幫我烤了一片花生醬吐司，切了一個Nectrine，把這兩個可口的食物很漂亮的擺在盤子上，端來給我吃。我一口一口的吃，嗯，可以吃，吃得下，我就把一片吐司跟一個Nectrine全吃完。可是，又來了。又噁心起來。真的也不知道怎麼辦好，也很痛苦，我說: "真的吃完，馬上就噁心.....。" 說著說著好傷心，忍不住的大粒眼淚一滴一滴不斷得流下來。老公握著我的手，繼續安慰我。看著他，感受到他的溫柔體貼的心，不知感動還是痛苦，眼淚不停的一直流。左手抓緊他的手，好溫暖好安心。看著他，我什麼話都說不出口，只有眼裡的眼淚越來越多。後來他什麼都沒說，陪我哭了一陣子。看了我哭完了，他去弄網路電視看看有沒有什麼好看的，在電視前面扭扭腰，搞笑要讓我開心。當每次我不舒服，心情不好的時候，他就會搞笑，做怪，甚至於有時還會跳跳舞，逗我笑。以前我不喜歡我不快樂的時候人家逗我笑。我寧願一個人生氣夠，也不要自己笑不出來的時候勉強笑。那種被逼著笑的感覺讓我有反感。可是跟他在一起之後，我越來越覺得他逗我笑的時候很可愛。不管好不好笑，他的表情跟他的心讓我覺得很溫馨很被疼愛。我珍惜他的努力。
After resting a while, I got hungry. I didn't know what to eat. After probing all the options, a slice of baked peanut butter bread and juicy nectrine did look appealing to me. So, I asked my husband to make it for me. He baked the bread with peanut butter, cut the nectrine beautifully and prepared a plate of these combination very nicely. In front of my eyes were a nice plate of smelling good baked peanut butter bread and slices of red and yellow nectrine. I had a bite. Hmmm. Nice. I had another bite. One bite after another, I finished the whole plate. But, here comes again my nausea. I really didn't know what to do. I was in suffering. I said, "Soon after eating..., I got sick again...." I was so hurt. Suddenly, large drops of tears marched out from my eyes like a troop.... My husband held my hand very tight and kept comforting me. Looking at him, I felt his sweetness and love for me. I felt so warm inside. I didn't know if it was because I was touched, or from suffering, my tears troop kept marching out. I grabbed his hand, held it so tight. I felt so warm and so secure. Looking at him, I lost all words, but the tears just wouldn't stop. He didn't say anything, either, just held my hand, sitting right in front of me, looking at me with profound sympathy and compassion. After I finished my "crying episode," he went to take care of our online TV program to see if anything interesting was on. In front of the TV, he swang his hips, trying to make me laugh. Every time when I'm not feeling well or feeling blue, he always does silly things or dances funny trying to make me laugh. I used not to like it when people try to make me laugh when I'm not feeling well. I'd rather being upset until I felt it was enough. I didn't like it to be forced to laugh when I didn't feel like to do so. But, after marrying him, more and more I like the way he tries to make me laugh. I think it's really cute that he does silly things to make me happy. It doesn't matter what he does is funny or not, but the way he does it and his loving heart just make me feel warm and so loved. I really appreciate his effort.
孕婦會擔心的事其中之一就是老公對孕婦的hormone所影響的情緒變化以及身體變化不了解。因此，有些人會怕老公會不會受不了這種變化而離去。因為男生本身感受不到這種變化。對他們而言，這是一件很不可思議的事。為什麼自己可愛的老婆突然間變的像精神病治療中心的逃患者呢? 為什麼他突然會哭? 為什麼她會說想吃豆花湯明明吃到荷蘭根本沒有豆花湯? 可是下一刻又不想吃了? 他們也很納悶。這到底怎麼了? 老婆瘋了嗎??? 是的。其實也可以說懷孕時，我們是活在一種"發瘋"狀態。因為很多懷孕時的hormone的關係，我們的身體，情緒，思考能力等等都會收影響。我學到什麼，我就會跟老公分享。免得他覺得我真的瘋了。可是他也很努力的了解我。自己偶爾也會上網路看看關於孕婦跟寶寶的文章。所以他給了我很多安全感。每次被他安慰後，都會有自信一起度過這一段時光。我覺得，我雖然害喜狀況很痛苦 (有人因該比我還痛苦....)，我是很幸福的。寶寶，你要知道媽媽懷你的時候，如果沒有爸爸這樣鼓勵媽媽，媽媽根本渡不過這一關呢。所以你要好好感謝爸爸喔。知道嗎?
One of the things that many pregnant women worry about is that their husbands may not understand the magic that their hormonal shifts do to them. Therefore, many pregnant women actually fear that their husband may leave them while they are pregnant due to lacking such understandings. Men don't experience such "changes" themselves. So, for them, this is a very unbelievable thing. Why all of a sudden their lovely wives become like psychos? Why all of a sudden, out of blue, they cry like babies? Why out of no where she wants to eat sweet tofu soup (Taiwanese dessert) knowing that he can get it nowhere here in NL? (Yes, it's me...) And, why right next moment, she doesn't want it anymore? They are confused. What happened to their lovely wives? Did they get insane overnight??? Yes. In a sense, we went mad. I really think this is a kind of madness. Due to the hormonal shifts during the pregnancy, our bodies, our emotions, our abilities to think, etc. all get affected... So, whenever I learn something about myself, I always share that with my husband to prevent him from thinking that I got insane. He also makes efforts to understand me. He get online to read articles about pregnancy and babies sometimes. He really gives me security. Every time after he comforts me, I become more confident that we can get through this together. So, although morning sickness is tough (and some people's condition is even tougher than mine...), I am still very happy and joyful that I have a husband like him. So, baby, you have to know that when you mommy was pregnant with you, if it weren't because of your dad's effort of making mommy happy, mommy wouldn't be able to get through these ten months. So, you have to thank you daddy for that. You heard me?
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