8月31日(禮拜天): 21:32pm
已經懷孕第九週了
昨天跟今天都是閃亮陽光輕藍天空的好天氣!!!
神聽了我的禱告，用好天氣來安慰一個人在家的我
昨天跟今天老公去德國出差我一個人守家
還好有好天氣
所以出去走走透透氣
(We've already enter the 9th week of our pregnancy.
The weather has been great since yesterday; dazzling sunlight and baby-blue sky!!!
God has heard of my desperate prayers. He sent me blessings such as this to comfort me
because He knew that I would be alone home waiting for my husband who has been on biz
trip since yesterday. Thanks to God that the weather has been great because I get to go out
to breathe some fresh air!!!)
*Amsterdamse bos的散步道
這幾個禮拜，害喜越來越厲害。有時真的什麼都不想吃，有時連想就噁心....。通常不會去在意的小小的事情也會引起過度情緒反應....。通常不在會動搖的我，有時還真的會懷疑是不是住在這個爛天氣的國家太久，得了什麼憂鬱症，或是瘋掉了....? 可是跟一些有經驗的朋友談完，發現自己是正常的...。這就是懷孕。姊姊也說: "你好懷孕哦~!" 好像"懷孕"這個字是形容詞....。有時噁心到主菜都是忍著煮，卻看到自己煮的菜，又噁心起來，沒味口...。勉強吃了一點點，可是坐著又噁心，馬上須要去沙發休息。這個時候，老公真的很有耐心。其實，懷孕之後，尤其是最近害喜的狀況越來越激烈，更可體會老公的溫柔跟貼心。因為這邊又步向台灣，不能煮一出門到處都是吃的，不管怎麼噁心我盡量會煮晚餐，這樣至少老公回來就有東西吃，不用他自己煮。可是吃完晚飯有時我真的不休息不行，安幠肚子，或是躺一下，要不就會想......。
可是老公都說沒關係，他就叫我不用收東西，叫我去休息他來收....。看他那麼累了，我也真的不好意思讓他一個人收東西，他收了一點點我就會叫他也休息，我等一下好一點再來收就好....。可是他都說沒關係....。我覺得我真的嫁了一個很棒很有耐心很體會的老公。我只能跟他說謝謝跟對不起，"老公，真的辛苦的是你....。" 他就會安慰我說: "寶貝，你才辛苦呢。你要背著一個人耶!"
For these past weeks, my morning sickness has been escallating... Sometimes, I don't even want to eat anything, or the matter of worse, I don't even want to think about it... Moreover, some little tiny incidences that did not matter to me at all before now get to my nerve so easily... Since I am usually quite calm no matter what, this is so weird to me... I have even wondered if I was depressed or officially insane due to living in the crappy weather NL for too long...? But, after talking with several friends who are already mothers or currently pregnant, I found myself being quite normal. This is pregnancy, apparently. My sister even said, "Oh, dear, you are so pregnant!!!" as if "pregnant" is an adjective... Sometimes I have to put up with the strong smell of the food while cooking due to my increased sensitivity to the smell... Then, after cooking, looking at my own arts, alas what a pity, I just cannot enjoy it as I used to.... I force myself to eat just a bit due to hunger, but even sitting at the table makes me sick, and I have to excuse myself to the sofa for the "after dinner rest." But, during all these incidences, I just found that my husband is so patient with me, especially after we found out that we were pregnant and my morning sickness started to get worse, it became more evident that my husband's patience is beyond that of mine... He's so kind, generous and comforting. NL is not like TW, hot and yummy foods are just a step away when you don't want to cook, or more precisely unable to cook. No matter how sick you may be, you don't have food to eat unless you cook! So, I gather up my strength to at least cook some hot nutritional food so that my husband has something to eat when he comes back exhausted at the end of the day without making dinner himself. But, after eating dinner, often of the time, I just have rest on the sofa, gently rubbing my tummy or even lying down, otherwise I have this urge to pXXX....! But, my husband is nice enought to tell me not to worry about this, to rest well and that he would be doing the cleaning of the dishes. But, knowing that he's been already so tired, I cannot stand watching him putting those dishes away into the dish washer while I myself am lying on the sofa to rest, after he has been cleaning a bit, I will tell him to leave them there and that I will do it after I get better later... Then, he will tell me again that I do not have to worry about it. What a patient and loving/caring husband whom I have...! All what I can do is just to thank him and say sorry that he has to put up with me being like this... "This is actually tougher on you than on me, honey," said I. Then, he comforts me saying, "No, baby, this is harder on you! You are carrying another person in you!"
也就是因為這樣，加上天氣又不好，我好一陣子都沒辦法出去走走，出去透透氣。這兩天，老公去德國出差，我誠心禱告神會給我好天氣跟讓我不要那麼不舒服，這樣我才不會整整兩天都悶在家裡沒事做... 結果神真的聽到我的心裡的哭聲，這個週末是這幾個月來的好天氣，頭上出了一個大大的太陽加上無雲的藍天空。我真的好開心，從心底感謝神對我的好。這樣出差中的老公也可以安心一下。加上害喜狀況也好多，真神奇! 所以我自己開車去一個人工大森林叫Amsterdamse bos。
Due to my morning sickness, fatigue and sleepiness associated with pregnancy, and the nasty weather, I haven't been able to get out of the house for a long long time. I was so desperate for some fresh air!!! Therefore, I have prayed so hard that God would give me a great weather and ease my morning sickness while my husband was away for biz trip so that I would be able to get out of the house to breathe some fresh air, and this way, my husband does not have to worry about me during the biz trip. God heard my cry out of my heart. He did not only gave me a great weather for the whole weekend, but also a better health condition so that I would have strength to go out. The weather was one of the best in the past few months, with shining bright sun and blue sky without any tiny patch of cloud! I was so happy! I thanked God from the bottom of my heart. This way, my husband can focus on his work without worrying about my condition. So, I wandered out to a very huge artificial forest called "Amsterdamse bos."
週末的Amsterdamse bos很多家庭跟狗。我故意走人比較少的地方，自己慢慢靜靜的走。樹高高的，造成很多樹影，好清涼可又不會冷。陽光從樹葉及樹根樹的小小空間照進森林，聽到小鳥的歌聲跟風跟樹葉在玩的"沙沙沙"的聲音。那種景觀真安慰人心，讓我的五感都洗清了。我先走大概三十分鐘，然後找個安靜的地方坐下來，喝點水，看看我帶來的書。這本書叫: "Pregnancy = 40 Weeks of Preparation." (By Tina M. Ellis http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A30Z4MR55L3QGZ) 這個寫作家是四個小孩子的媽媽，其中兩個了還竟然離10個月而已! 這本書的主題就是神用40個禮拜的時間，讓我們準備學習如何當個好媽媽，如何當個好太太，如何準備歡迎寶寶加入我們的家庭。裡面有31章短文章，談一些他自己的經驗，他學到的事情，還有她自己的失敗裡所得到的教訓。很真，很實在。在人生裡，懷孕是一個很特別的時間。是一個人，可是又是兩個人。不，不只是兩個人，是全家人的事。是自己面對自己，自己面對老公，自己面對寶寶，自己面對神的特別期間。
The weekend Amsterdamse bos had a lot of families who, just like me, were desperate for fresh airs and those with dogs desperate for the outdoor adventures. I purposefully walked into places where I could be alone, walking slowly in tranquility. The trees were so high up above my head, creating lots of tree shades, cooling off the air, but not cold. The rays of sun light shine through the tiny spaces between the tree leaves and between each tree. I heard the birds singing somewhere there high up on the trees and the sounds created by soft winds rubbing on the tree leaves. This scenary was so soothing and comforting. It renews and refreshes all my senses. I took a walk for about 30 minutes first, then find some nice and quiet place to sit down, drink some water, and read the book that I brought with me. This book is titled as "Pregnancy = 40 Weeks of Preparation" written by Tina M. Ellis who is a mother of four with two of them just being 10 months apart! This book talks about how God uses 40 weeks of pregnancy to prepare us to be a good mother and wife, and how to prepare for welcoming our baby to join our family members. It is consist of 31 chapters with all of the chapters filled with her own experiences, lessons and failures through which she learned many great insights, very authentic and real episodes of hers. Pregnancy is a very special period of time in our life time. This isn't just about me, it's about me and our baby. No, it's actually not just so, it's about us, the whole family! During this time, I face to the true self, my husband, our baby and God. This is a very special period of time for all of us.
作者在書裡說她在懷孕時，自己的focus變成是自己。因為懷孕中的Hormone變化，情緒會變得不好，因此也比較容易生氣。(這個我自己也在經驗中....) 結果，自己變成世界的重點，中心，一定要自己高興的是才會做，換話說就是要非照自己的意思去做不可。大家都要被和他，他肚子大，就是他最大!
The auther has mentioned in her book that her focus was herself while she was pregnant. It's either "I" sentence or "me" sentence. Due to the hormonal changes during the pregnancy, the pregnant women do tend to get irrirated more easily and becoming much more emotional. (I can relate to this myself...) Consequently, it's so easy for us to put ourselves in the center of the world. It has to be our own way! Everybody has to listen to us because we are the most important beings with huge tummy!
可是她也說這樣是不行的。我們從單身進入了婚姻時，我們從自己在中心的世界的生活走進"我們兩個人"在中心的世界裡。所以不能因為懷孕了，又回到以前單身的那種"個人"的世界，只要所有事情都自己可以決定的世界。懷孕不只是對孕婦有影響，其實對先生也有影響，只是說身體上的變化只會發生在孕婦上罷了。所以他說，因該是因此懷孕時期才會有40個禮拜，因為在這個40個禮拜裡，神要我們好好準備，好好跟老公建立好關係。這一些都是小孩成長的基礎。她說她發現小孩總有一天長大了就會離開家庭，而老公才是會跟自己走到最後的伴侶。所以她跟她老公的關係就是最重要的所有的基礎。因為很多身體上，心情上的變化孕婦會怕。想到小孩的未來，想到自己是否能當個好媽媽，想這個想那個，孕婦想的可多了。可是我們很容易忘了其實老公們也如此。他們只是肚子裡沒有寶寶而已，他們也會擔心自己會不會是個好爸爸，能不能養家，能不能給小孩好的未來，會不會教好小孩等等，他們想的因該也不會比我們少。我看著看著，有很多事要反省。
But, she said that it should be that way. When we enter the marriage together, we left the "I" world and stepped into "we" world. And, we shouldn't go back to "I" world only because we got pregnant, the world where we are the only one who decide what we want. Pregnancy does not only have impact on the expecting women, but also on their husbands. The husband does not bear babies in their tummies does not mean that they are not influenced. Therefore, she mentioned that that might be why pregnancy last for 40 weeks because God want us to prepare and establish a good relationship with our husbands during these 40 weeks. Good marriage is the very basic foundation on which children grow. She also said that she realized that her children would one day grow up and leave them, but her relationship with her husband is what is to stay even after their children left the home. Therefore, her relationship with her husband is the most important foundation of their life. Due to many physical and mental changes (which may lead to spiritual changes), we pregnant women tend to have fears: fear towards children's futures, fear about whether we can be good mothers or not, fear of this, fear of that... So many fears! But, we tend to forget that it's the same for our husbands as well. They don't bear babies in their tummies, but they are also afraid for many things. They are afraid if they can be good fathers, if they can successfully provide for the families, if they can lead the children to good futures, if they can teach their children well, etc. etc... Their worries and concerns are no less than ours. As I was reading this chapter, I had lots to reflect back and lots to repent...
最近的我，的確因為身體不舒服，很容易不高興，很容易把懷孕當作藉口。明明知道這樣不行，可好像也不太能控制自己下垂的情緒。因為有時要爬起來也是需要很多"功夫"，連動都不是很容易。晚上也睡不著... 加上天氣又爛到每天不是下雨就是風大陰天....，這一些雖然都不是故意找出來辯護自己的理由，可是就算情況如此，我還是有力量決定要不要被這一些狀況毀了自己懷孕的每一天。然後，我才真正的發現，其實就像這位作家說的，懷孕是試煉，可是也可以變成一種喜悅，因為不是大家都可以經驗懷孕。這是一種神給的恩典。雖然有時很不舒服，只能靠著禱告撐著，還是一種喜悅。因為我可以看自己看的更清楚，可以體會老公的好更深，自己的幸福變成好幾倍。也因為自己的身體上的變化，而那是幾乎只能一邊禱告一邊忍的變化，我才真正了解神對我真的很好。祂其實在我生命的每一刻都很在呼我，都有在聽我禱告，讓我發現我真的很小，祂真的很大，比我的害喜狀況還大，我真的需要全心相信祂，讓我度過這一段試煉，這一段很特別又很美好的一段時光。謙虛.... 我真的覺得我缺的就是這個。我是一個很驕傲的人。到某些程度，自己以為什麼事都會做，什麼事都難不倒我。可是當自己的身體不如懷孕前那樣自在那樣舒服，我很快就投降了。"投降了"，也就是說只會考慮到自己的自私的臉就會露面。可是這段時間讓我學習很多，看到老公的無私的照顧，看到神的體貼的心，我不得不變成謙虛，感覺祂們都好偉大，比我幾千倍，幾萬倍的偉大....。感覺自己真的好小。
Lately, I am quite sick with morning sickness and tend to get irritated so easily. I also tend to make my pregnancy as an excuse for my problems. I know that I shouldn't be like this, but I was not able to control my downward rollercoaster emotions. Even getting up was a lot of work sometimes, so I do not even want to move! I have hard time falling asleep at night! In addition to the physical conditions, the weather was very nasty, if not rainning, it blows strong winds which doesn't seem to blow off the thick gray cloud in the sky... These are not the excuses that I made up to justify myself, but even my condition was real, I still have the power to choose not to let these things destroy my everyday. Then, it just hit me. Just like the author said, pregnancy is a trial, but it can also be a blessing and joy because not everybody gets to experience that. This is a gift from God. Although sometimes I become so sick and can only get through each moment with prayer, this is still a gift and a blessing. Because I can get to know myself better, and more deeply feel how good my husband is to me, so the happiness and joy multiply. Moreover, due to the physical changed associated with pregnancy, a tough change that I can only get through each moment with prayer for God's strength, endurance and patience, I also deeply feel God's love for me. He cares at every single thing that I go through in my life, thus allowing me to go through this trial, this special trial and beautiful time in life. I realized that I was so small, and He is so big, so much bigger than my morning sickness. All what I need to do is unconditionally trust Him to deliver me through this tough trial... Humbleness.... I realized that what I was really lacking was humbleness. I tend to be arrogant and proud as if there is nothing that I can do on my own. Nothing could defeat me. But, after the pregnancy, and due to which my physical condition was not as idea as what it used be, I started to give up to fight to be a better person. I say "give up to fight" meaning that my selfishness now clearly manifests. But, during these past few months, I learned a lot. My husband's selfless care and God's kindness and love really humbled me. They are so big, so much bigger than me... I'm just so small when hit by trials...
我們小孩一天一天在長大。這個禮拜他會變成3cm，下下個禮拜他就會是5.5cm!! 像他一天一天的在長大，我跟老公也要如此。不只是忍耐每一天，希望這一段趕快過去，而是要享受這個時段的每一刻。神給我們40個禮拜的時間去準備，40個禮拜去準備當個好爸爸，好媽媽。我們會努力了。
Our baby is growing each and everyday. S/he will be about 3cm in size now, and two weeks later when we are about to have an Echo, s/he will be 5.5cm! Just like s/he is growing everyday, my husband and I are growing as well in our roles. I wish that I will not just "bear" through this period of time or just keep praying that this will pass in a flash, but also I wish that I will actually be able to enjoy every moment with my husband and baby during this special period of time. God gave us 40 weeks of time to prepare ourselve for the baby's coming, 40 weeks to prepare to be a good father and good mother. We just have to do our best as our thanks to God's gift...
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